my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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