You really coming over, don't trick.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your penis caused this!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
