I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
