People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
