is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
