Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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