I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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