She tied me up with her honor cords...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
