Define "chronic" masturbator.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
