Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
