Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
