He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
