She's JV to your varsity
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
