so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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