I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
