why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
