dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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