so explain again why im purple
no
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
