It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
