The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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