Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
