3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
