You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
