saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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