do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
