eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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