i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
