is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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