I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who died my cat blue again?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
