LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
