you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
