Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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