I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
