Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
