Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
