So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
