if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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