I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
