im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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