I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
