i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
