I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
