You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
