So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
