im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize