I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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