I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
