I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
