I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
