My friends, they love my intelligence
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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