Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ttyl tear gas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize