We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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