Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
