I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
