Sponge bath it is.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
