im six kinds of drunk right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
