we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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