I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
