Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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