Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
