Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
