i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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