he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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