Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
