There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
