he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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