Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
