epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
